Problem: Americans abroad in desperate need of
1). Burger King Whopper
2). Pizza making supplies

Sadly, the whopper is an impossibility. I briefly considered getting a mini-cooler, putting a bunch of Red Cross stickers on it, and carrying the Whopper around with a block of ice, and yelling "Dammit, lives are on the line!" whenever anyone wanted to "inspect" it. They'll just have to do without...

The pizza is possible. We can get mozzarella in India, but all-purpose flour means something different entirely (has to do with monkeys, import tariffs, and reverence for holy chapathis). So I'm bringing a big bag of pepperoni (and hoping it doesn't spoil...bag says refrigerate after opening, which I loosely interpret as meaning good til the end of time unless you open it), and a couple of little bags of pizza dough. I think I'm going to wing it with the pizza sauce; I think if I bring some Italian seasoning, we can improvise with Indian tomatoes.

Now you're wondering: "Why bother? I could eat Indian food all the time!" (as you dust off your multipurpose silk Indo-Afro dashiki depicting elephants frolicking that you got for donating to the NPR worldbeat program at the $25 level). Trust me, if you're in India for 2 months surviving on rice, yogurt, and the occasional curry, you're really looking for your next partially hydrogenated hot beef injection. When we were little, we had been in India for 3 months, and couldn't stop thinking about a pizza; we stopped at a Bombay hotel, and they had "Supreme Pizza" listed on the menu. Turned out it was a big naan with chutney where the pepperoni was supposed to be, and 4 slivers of parmesan. We cried ourselves to sleep.